cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
