She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You ate ashes out of my bong
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
