My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
