can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
