Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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