If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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