you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
