JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
