Can i not drive my cunt home
Pants 0. Shit 1.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
