Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
