Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
