I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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