a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
