When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
