White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
