no you cant smoke seaweed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
