I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
