i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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