I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
