It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
