last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
