Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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