I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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