Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
