I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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