I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
