The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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