I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
