listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
