i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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