I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
