do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
