bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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