The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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