My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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