what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
