Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
