i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
