Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My breasts were aching with rage.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
