yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
