I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
