Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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