How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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