I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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