i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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