Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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