Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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