There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
