i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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