The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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