I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
