worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
