halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Come on in and take your pants off
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