i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
