Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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