Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
