My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
