that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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