I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
