More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
