I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
