What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
