You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
