New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
