Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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