Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
