One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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