Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
