Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
