Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
