Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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