I'm gonna have a badass scar
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
