Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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