making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize